Our Best Tips for Peacefully Getting Through A Contested Divorce


Our Best Tips for Peacefully Getting Through A Contested Divorce

Our Best Tips For Peacefully Getting Through A Contested DivorceWhen parties file a Complaint for Divorce they must file under one of the “causes of action”, meaning the basis for the divorce.  The most common cause of action in New Jersey is irreconcilable differences which is the state’s no fault option.  It simply states that differences have arisen in your marriage for a period of at least 6 months and there is no possibility of reconciliation.  If your spouse files an answer and counterclaim, even if that counterclaim is also on the basis of irreconcilable differences, you have a contested divorce.  The reason for contesting a divorce is generally to protect both parties’ rights to request various relief that might be available to them, such as spousal and child support. For the most part, divorces are resolved prior to trial and the parties attend what is known as an “uncontested hearing” to officially be divorced.  Here are some tips to peacefully get through a contested divorce:

1. Know the Process
When you begin a divorce, you should have a discussion with your attorney about how the process works and what to expect.  It is a common misconception that you file a complaint for divorce and the clock starts ticking immediately.  This is true in some sense, as the filing of the complaint is the starting point of the divorce and everything that happens thereafter happens per a set time frame.  However, many people do not realize how drawn out that time frame may be.  Once you serve your spouse with the Complaint, they have 35 days to file an Answer and Counterclaim.  Once that occurs, the Court will schedule a Case Management Conference to set deadlines for other events in your case.  Specifically, a Case Management Order will set dates for the exchange of discovery requests and answers, and will also establish when real estate appraisals, pension appraisals, and expert reports will be due.  Many litigants are surprised when they find out that the discovery process may not end until five or more months after they initially file their Complaint.  Following discovery, the Court will order you to attend an Early Settlement Panel which is an event at the Courthouse where each side will present their position to neutral attorneys (or “Panelists”) who are familiar with the judges in that county.  Those attorneys will offer an opinion on what they think a fair settlement would be.  If you are unable to reach an agreement, you will continue onto mediation and then will be ordered to return to Court for settlement conferences until your matter is resolved or scheduled for trial.  It is beneficial to you to understand this process fully as it will aid in managing expectations.  Unless you reach a complete resolution of your matter prior to filing the Complaint, it is likely that your case will take at least six months to a year to resolve.  Knowing this at the outset may help you in being patient with the process.

2. Utilize all available resources to pursue settlement
The Court, and your attorneys, offer you many options to aid in resolving your matter quickly.  It is to your benefit to utilize all of these resources fully in order to reach a resolution.  For example, the Court offers parties, with children, a free mediation with court staff in order to attempt to resolve custody and parenting time issues.  As this is a free program, it is to your benefit to take this offer seriously and make a true effort towards reaching a resolution.  The same is true for the post- Early Settlement Panel mediation.  The mediators who participate in this program offer two (2) free hours.  Again, given the high cost of divorce, it is always to your benefit to take advantage of any offers for assistance in reaching a resolution.

3. Communicate effectively
If you and your spouse are able to, it may be beneficial for you to continue to communicate throughout the divorce process and see what you are able to resolve on your own.  If you discover that you are unable to do so and that your attempts are actually creating a more volatile situation, you may want to tell your spouse that all communications should go through counsel rather than continuing to inflame your home environment.  Keep in mind, however, that having all communications go through counsel will further increase your counsel fees.  Therefore, it may be helpful to identify what areas you and your spouse can speak about effectively, such as finances, and leave the more emotional aspects, such as your children, to your attorneys.

If you are interested in getting assistance to navigate through the divorce process, please call DeTorres & DeGeorge to schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys.

Divorce Process Guide
About DeTorres and DeGeorge Family Law

DeTorres and DeGeorge Family Law is a New Jersey based family law firm that has been helping New Jersey residents achieve the best possible results in their divorce for nearly 30 years. The DeTorres and DeGeorge Family Law team is always ready to fight for their clients’ rights – determined to help New Jersey families overcome legal challenges from start to finish. Our legal team, with over 65 years of combined experience, provides expert guidance on all family law and divorce-related matters, including custody and parenting time, alimony and child support, equitable distribution of assets, premarital agreements, post-divorce issues, executive compensation distribution, divorces for business owners, and divorce mediation. The firm has been recognized for its dedication and expertise in the industry by multiple local and national organizations, including Super Lawyers, Law Firm 500, and the American Institute of Family Law Attorneys. Rosanne DeTorres, Managing Partner, is one of 150 lawyers certified as a matrimonial law attorney.

Rosanne S. DeTorres
Ms. DeTorres is the managing partner and co-founder of DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law. She is also only one of 150 attorneys in the State of NJ that is certified by the NJ Supreme Court as a Matrimonial Law Attorney. Ms. DeTorres graduated...
Share on:

knowledge & insights

Man in military uniform removing ring

Is military divorce the same as regular divorce?

Military divorce couples file for divorce using the same process that civilians use; however, when military couples divorce there are factors that have to be considered separate from routine divorce situations. While there are many similarities among a military divorce and divorces involving...

February 21, 2024 Read More

Bird house hanging from tree branch

What is bird nesting divorce?

A bird nesting divorce, also referred to as bird's nest custody, or bird nesting, is a living arrangement that allows for the children to continue to reside in the family home while the parties take turns living in the home. Bird nesting divorce is intended to keep the primary burden of the divorce...

February 13, 2024 Read More

Model home held by 2 hands

Co-owning a house after divorce

Co-owning a house after divorce, and divorcing with a house in both names, is an issue that arises when people divorce and own a home together.  Couples have to decide whether they will continue to co-own their home after their divorce.  When parties own a home and are going to divorce, the home...

February 3, 2024 Read More

Divorce: The Answers you Need – Before, During & After

Download our eBook today!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.


  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

follow us