3 Ideas To Help You In Coping With Divorce (1)

3 Ideas To Help You In Coping With Divorce

Divorce is an emotional and difficult experience no matter your age or financial security.  It is the dissolution of an important family bond that has likely been in existence for a number of years.  The impact can be traumatic for some people, and in all instances, a significant change to the day to day life you had while married.  Here are some tips on how to cope with a divorce: 1. Seek Emotional Assistance Our clients often want to know how they should be dealing with divorce emotionally.  While part of being a family law attorney is lending an ear and offering advice on the emotional aspects it is not what we were trained to do.  We often recommend to our clients that they seek emotional assistance through therapy, counseling, or support groups so that they have a neutral third party to discuss the more emotional aspects of a divorce.  Your attorney may be focused on the facts and law of your case, while you may tend to have a purely emotional reaction to what is happening.  It’s likely that seeing a therapist will assist you in reconciling those two aspects of your life.  A therapist may not only give you mechanisms for coping with the emotions that come up during a divorce, but may also be able to talk to you about what is happening in your case and help you sort past the emotions in order to make a decision about what to do.  People who were married for a long time and do not necessarily want a divorce, or people who may have been faced with infidelity in the relationship, may be so paralyzed by the hurt or fear that they are unable to think rationally when faced with decisions about potential settlements.  Seeing a therapist may go a long way in helping you not only emotionally, but also with regard to moving your case forward in a positive manner. 2. Keep Busy If you are going through a divorce while you have small children, this may seem like an easy one- you are always busy!  But it’s important to remember to do things for yourself.  Make plans to go out with your friends, meet new people or try new things.  This certainly doesn’t mean that you should jump back into the dating scene if you are not ready.  But there are many social media websites geared …

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3 Things to Think About When Choosing A Divorce Mediation Attorney

3 Things to Think About When Choosing A Divorce Mediation Attorney

If you and your spouse are in agreement that your marriage is over and you simply need some guidance to make decisions regarding a settlement of your divorce, then mediation might be a good option for you.  Mediation can be used as an alternative to litigation, but can also be used as an accompaniment to litigation.  In order to begin the mediation process, you simply have to contact a divorce mediation service or a private mediator and schedule an initial appointment. You and your spouse can attend mediation with or without attorneys.  Keep in mind, though, mediators do not represent either party and must remain neutral.   Therefore, it may be a good idea to have representation present at mediation with you in order to ensure that you fully understand the law and the impacts that different scenarios might have on you if they were to be incorporated into a final resolution of your matter. Here are some things to think about when you are hiring an attorney to represent you in a mediated divorce: 1. Are you hoping to resolve your matter through mediation prior to filing a complaint for divorce? Many people wish to resolve their matter entirely prior to filing the Complaint for divorce with the Court.  This is often because once you file a Complaint, you are on the Court’s radar and therefore are bound by the schedule the Court dictates.  By doing mediation prior to filing, you will be able to file the Complaint and then simply put the divorce through.  Something to keep in mind, however, is that the date of filing of the complaint is the date that determines when each spouse’s rights in the other’s property terminates.  So, if you do not have a prior agreement that the termination date is going to be the date of the first mediation session, your spouse may continue to have rights accrue during the mediation process.  This may be an issue if your mediation process continues for many months.  Many individuals, especially those represented by counsel during mediation, are willing to sign agreements establishing an earlier termination date in order to avoid this issue. 2. Mediation versus Collaborative Law When you are hiring an attorney to represent you in a mediation, it is important to read your retainer agreement and be certain that you are hiring them for mediation purposes, or more generally for representation in …

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How To Make Sure Your Cost Of Divorce Doesn’t Break The Bank

Clients are always very concerned with the cost of their divorce proceedings, and with good reason. In New Jersey, it’s not uncommon for the hourly rates of family law attorneys to be in the range of $200-$600 per hour. Retainers for a divorce are generally upwards of $5,000 and it is often unrealistic to believe that your divorce will absolutely be resolved before that initial retainer is exhausted. If you and your spouse have been able to reach an agreement prior to retaining counsel, it may aid in keeping your costs down if all that is needed is putting through an uncontested divorce. However, in many cases issues arise that need to be addressed by counsel. Here are some tips to make sure your divorce doesn’t break the bank: 1. Try to talk to your spouse before involving counsel. While some couples going through a divorce are extremely angry and unable to speak effectively with one another, a good number of divorces are simply people who acknowledge that they have outgrown the relationship. It will benefit you, your spouse, and even your children if you and your spouse can talk to one another about the issues you are facing. If, for example, you can resolve the issues of custody and parenting time just by talking to your spouse, this will go a long way in saving you counsel fees as these very important issues will be resolved from the outset. It’s always a good idea to see what you might be able to work out simply by communicating prior to reaching out to your attorney. 2. Be aware of the frequency of your communications with your attorney. Some people do not realize when they sign the retainer agreement that they are going to be billed for all work that is completed on their file, including the times that they reach out to their attorney or the attorney’s support staff. One of the biggest drains on a retainer is the client who e-mails or calls constantly over minor issues. It is a better use of your resources to make a list of questions or concerns and include them all in one or two emails rather than e-mail in a stream of consciousness manner. 3. Be realistic in your goals. To some extent, your divorce needs to be a cost/benefit analysis. If you and your spouse have limited means, you will need …

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Is It Possible To File For Separation In New Jersey

Is It Possible To File For Separation In New Jersey?

It’s a common misconception that you can be “legally separated” in New Jersey. While some states have a formal legal separation, New Jersey does not. If you and your spouse no longer wish to reside together, you are not forced to. You can separate and live separate lives. However, this is not legal separation as other states have it. In the event that you and your spouse wish to live separately, you can draft an agreement that outlines each person’s responsibilities and details regarding parenting time, who will pay what bills, and so on. However, if one party does not follow through under this agreement, you will not have any recourse because it is not an enforceable agreement due to the fact that no legal proceedings were initiated. New Jersey’s version of legal separation is a divorce from bed and board. Two of the most common questions from potential clients during a consultation is how much does it cost to file and how long will it take. The answer for both an absolute divorce and a divorce from bed and board are the same- it’s impossible to tell. The process for a divorce from bed and board and an absolute divorce are the same in New Jersey. Only the result is different. Specifically, you will still need to file a complaint for divorce and you will resolve all of the issues in your case by way of settlement agreement. This agreement will outline all of the issues in your case including custody, child support, alimony, and equitable distribution. The only difference is that at the end of the process, a final judgment for bed and board divorce will be entered rather than the standard final judgment. The effect of this is that the marriage bond remains intact. Therefore, neither party can remarry until the divorce from bed and board is dissolved. The reason that a divorce from bed and board is attractive to some couples is that the continuance of the marriage relationship often permits the party who provides medical insurance to continue to do so even after the legal case has resolved. Generally the divorce from bed and board is agreed to for a specific period of time, i.e. 2 years, which will give the spouse who will need separate benefits a chance to find employment or qualify for insurance at their place of employment without a lapse of …

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How To Know If You Are Coping With Divorce In A Healthy Way

How To Know If You Are Coping With Divorce In A Healthy Way

Divorce is a very emotional process. Almost everyone who comes in to discuss a possible divorce is angry, frustrated, or sad, or likely a combination of all of these feelings. It can be difficult to process what is happening, but learning how to cope, during both the separation and divorce, and how to adjust to life after divorce is extremely important. When you’re coping with divorce and separation, there are a few things you can do to ensure that you are doing so in a healthy manner. Try not to involve the children in your divorce Divorce affects the entire family. It’s inevitable that your children will have questions about the changes that are happening in their lives, where they might live after the divorce is finalized, how often they will see their other parent, and a variety of other fears they may have. It’s only natural, as a parent that you will want to speak to them to try to reduce some of their fears and anxieties about what is happening in their lives. However, the way that you approach this is very important not only for your own health and well-being, but for the children as well. While you can answer your children’s questions and talk to them about what life may be like, it’s important not to bad mouth your spouse or share inappropriate information. There is no reason why you should be the person to tell the children that your spouse had an affair or has a new significant other. You shouldn’t be telling the children that you can’t afford something they want because your spouse isn’t paying enough support. While you may not love your spouse anymore, your child will still love both of their parents after the divorce is finalized, and it’s not fair to put a strain on or degrade that relationship. Make sure that you are engaging in self-care on a regular basis It’s challenging for parents to find time for themselves. However, especially during a divorce, it’s important to do so. Make it a priority to set aside time for yourself, whether you go to yoga, get a massage, or even just schedule time to read a book. It may also be a good idea to look into participating in therapy, or perhaps a support group with other individuals who are going through a divorce. Many people feel that this is …

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5 Things To Make Sure Are Included In Your Divorce Settlement

5 Things To Make Sure Are Included In Your Divorce Settlement

A Marital Settlement Agreement is the document that outlines the entire agreement between yourself and your spouse at the end of your divorce. It is vital that this Agreement is detailed and includes everything that it should. If you or your spouse does not abide by the Agreement following your divorce, you will file a motion with the Court to enforce the Agreement. If you have a detailed Agreement, it helps the Court to grant you the relief you are entitled to. Here are 5 things you should be sure are included in your Marital Settlement Agreement when negotiating a divorce settlement with your spouse: A detailed parenting time schedule – including holidays! Many times when negotiating a settlement, a client will tell me that they don’t want a detailed parenting time plan because they “are sure they can be reasonable and work together.” I always caution clients against this. Simply because it is an amicable divorce or you are getting along currently does not mean that this will always be the case. Parenting time disputes are extremely common, even in matters that incorporated a detailed schedule. It’s in your best interest, and more importantly in the best interest of the children, that you have a detailed schedule in an attempt to avoid issues down the road. This also includes a detailed holiday schedule so there’s never a question of fairness or who has the children on a particular holiday. Specifics about support In many cases, there are both alimony and child support being exchanged by the parties. It is important to have details in these provisions so everyone is aware of what their obligations are. You should include information about what your current incomes are and what incomes were used to calculate support. In terms of alimony, you should be sure to include the amount of alimony being paid each month, the date it is being paid, and how long it is going to be paid in the event that it is a limited term obligation. You should also outline the reasons why alimony will terminate, such as the death of either party or the remarriage of the spouse receiving support. Life Insurance If you or your spouse will be paying child support or alimony, be sure to include a provision requiring that the spouse paying support maintains life insurance in an amount sufficient to secure his or her …

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3 Things To Consider When It Comes To The Cost Of Divorce

3 Things To Consider When It Comes To The Cost Of Divorce

Often when people come to consultations with one of our attorneys, they are primarily concerned with three (3) things: how a divorce is going to affect their children; their ability to maintain their lifestyle after a divorce; and how much a divorce is going to cost. A very common question at initial consultations is “How long is this going to take and how much is it going to cost?” The answer varies greatly depending on the parties, their ability to cooperate, and the attorney they hire. People often come to the firm and say they have a simple divorce, only to discover down the line that the rough agreement they reached with their spouse is seriously deficient and requires substantial work in order to ensure that they are adequately protected in the divorce. In situations where the parties may not have substantial assets, it is possible for a divorce to be done quickly and with minimal cost. However, if there are children involved it is unlikely that this will happen unless the parents are on the same page. In some instances, there have been clients who have discussed divorce with their spouse at length and come to the initial consultation with a rough outline of the desired settlement agreement. These cases are likely be more inexpensive as the parties have already discussed many of the major issues. However, it is likely that some of the nuances of the law were overlooked and the attorney will need to address it in order to ensure protection. Even these “simple” divorces, however, can cost a few thousand dollars depending on how much time the attorney must spend in drafting the agreement and going back to the parties with issues that remain. However, cases where the parties are able to work out an agreement quickly by working together and compromising are by far the cheapest of the divorce cases. In a situation where the parties simply do not get along and will not agree on anything at all, you can expect that the counsel fees will be much higher. If one party is unwilling to negotiate and is taking unreasonable positions, it is very likely that the other party will incur very high counsel fees because they will need to file motions to compel movement in the case. A judge cannot make a final determination in a matter until the time of trial, but …

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When Will Divorce Mediation Work For You

When Will Divorce Mediation Work For You

Mediation works successfully for many divorcing families. We have found that while cooperative couples more readily choose to mediate, families with high degrees of conflict need mediation even more due to the high costs of litigation which may at times provoke additional conflict. Mediation can take place either with the parties and a mediator alone, or with parties represented by counsel and the mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who may explain the law to the parties, but will not counsel either party as to whether a proposal is in his or her best interest. They will simply try to broker an agreement between the parties and reach what is known as a “memorandum of understanding.” It is often beneficial to mediate with your attorney present in order to streamline the process and ensure that you are reaching an agreement that is in your best interest by being able to immediately discuss the proposal with counsel. Indicators that mediation is appropriate for divorcing couples We have developed the following indicators to help clients confirm their decision to attempt mediation. An absence of many of the indicators does not make successful mediation impossible. However, it does mean that disputes may be more difficult and costly to settle. If you are considering using the mediation process to resolve your divorce, you should consider which of the below conditions exist in your situation: 1. The grieving process is ongoing or complete for both parties; 2. The attorneys retained by the parties are experienced in and supportive of mediation; 3. There are no acts of hiding assets; 4. There are no acts of denying access to the child(ren); 5. Both parties agree to total accessibility to documentation regarding assets, liabilities, and income; 6. There is no history of violence or abuse; 7. The parties have a history of cooperative and successful problem solving on some issues; 8. The parties are capable and willing to communicate with each other and with the mediator in a reasonable and civil manner; 9. There is some pressure to settle because of time, high attorneys costs, or unpredictable outcome; 10. There are adequate resources to find a compromise (limited resources tend to create more competitive relationships and striving for win/lose outcomes); 11. The parties’ desire for the settlement of the dispute it high. The mediation process for divorce If you and your spouse think that your case …

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New Jersey Supreme Court Sets A New Standard for Relocation Cases

New Jersey Supreme Court Sets A New Standard for Relocation Cases

The New Jersey Supreme Court issued a decision last week making it more difficult for a parent to relocate out of the state with a minor child.  Under the prior case law, Baures v. Lewis, a custodial parent who wished to relocate with the child had to demonstrate that there was good cause for the move and that the move would not inimical, meaning adverse, to the child’s interest. Baures v. Lewis, 167 N.J. 91 (2001). Under the new law, Bisbing, in relocation applications where the parents share joint legal custody the standard is now whether the move is in the best interest of the children.  Bisbing v. Bisbing, N.J. (2017) (slip op. at 35). New Jersey’s custody statute has always provided that custody determinations should be made in the best interest of the children.  However, when Baures was decided in 2001, the Court based its decision partly on the research of social scientists.  At the time, the reports of these scientists indicated that what is best for the custodial parent is what is best for the child.  The Court also based its decision on a nationwide trend of easing the burden placed on a custodial parent who seeks to relocate. As a whole, the courts do not easily modify established case law.  However, as times and circumstances change, it may become necessary to re-evaluate the law in order to determine if a modification may be appropriate.  In order to do so, the court must find that there is “special justification” for the change.   In the Bisbing matter, the Court determined that the court in Baures did not act inappropriately by taking cues from other courts around the country or being guided by the research of social scientists.  However, as continuing research has revealed, social scientists have not reached a consensus on this issue.  As was the case at the time of the Baures decision, the Bisbing Court also looked to nationwide trends to see what other states are doing with regard to relocation.  What they discovered is that the majority of the states apply a best interest standard in evaluating these cases. What might the Bisbing case mean for you? The effect of the Bisbing matter on relocation cases in New Jersey is important.  So long as the parties share joint legal custody of the children, it is clear that they will be evaluated under the best interest standard …

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How can I protect my child during a divorce?

How Can I Protect My Children During a Divorce?

One of the most difficult aspects of a divorce has nothing to do with the financial situation of the people involved, but with their children and the impact of divorce on them. Divorce is a tough emotional experience not only for the parents but also the children, as the entire family dynamic changes. People often struggle with this aspect, whether it be concern about how to tell the children about the divorce or the eventual impact on the child’s life. People going through a divorce are often torn about how they will raise the issue with the children – whether they tell the children in a family meeting, or perhaps with the assistance of a third party such as a therapist the child already trusts. This can also be impacted by the age of the children. Obviously the discussion that mommy and daddy are divorcing is going to be a very different conversation with a toddler than with a teenager. It is important to remember that while your relationship with the other party is over and there may be a lot of hurt feelings, the children did nothing wrong, and it’s important that you make your best effort to not speak poorly of the other parent or share inappropriate information with the children. There’s no reason for the children to know the details of what led to the divorce or information about litigation that has already occurred. Just as with adults, the children will probably be very concerned about what life will be like after the divorce. Will they live with mom or dad? Will they have to move? Change schools? Will they still be able to see their friends and the other parent’s side of the family? These are all very valid concerns for a child, and they should be addressed sensitively and honestly. It may be a good idea to get the children into therapy for at least a short time so that they are provided with a neutral viewpoint who can assist them in adjusting to their new reality. Mom and Dad should also be involved so the child’s therapist can provide some insight on issues the child might be struggling with. The effect of a divorce on children will vary depending on the child, as well as their age. In some ways, it may be easier for a young child to adjust to life after the …

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