Divorce is a very emotional process. Almost everyone who comes in to discuss a possible divorce is angry, frustrated, or sad, or likely a combination of all of these feelings. It can be difficult to process what is happening, but learning how to cope, during both the separation and divorce, and how to adjust to life after divorce is extremely important.
When you’re coping with divorce and separation, there are a few things you can do to ensure that you are doing so in a healthy manner.
Try not to involve the children in your divorce
Divorce affects the entire family. It’s inevitable that your children will have questions about the changes that are happening in their lives, where they might live after the divorce is finalized, how often they will see their other parent, and a variety of other fears they may have. It’s only natural, as a parent that you will want to speak to them to try to reduce some of their fears and anxieties about what is happening in their lives. However, the way that you approach this is very important not only for your own health and well-being, but for the children as well. While you can answer your children’s questions and talk to them about what life may be like, it’s important not to bad mouth your spouse or share inappropriate information. There is no reason why you should be the person to tell the children that your spouse had an affair or has a new significant other. You shouldn’t be telling the children that you can’t afford something they want because your spouse isn’t paying enough support. While you may not love your spouse anymore, your child will still love both of their parents after the divorce is finalized, and it’s not fair to put a strain on or degrade that relationship.
Make sure that you are engaging in self-care on a regular basis
It’s challenging for parents to find time for themselves. However, especially during a divorce, it’s important to do so. Make it a priority to set aside time for yourself, whether you go to yoga, get a massage, or even just schedule time to read a book. It may also be a good idea to look into participating in therapy, or perhaps a support group with other individuals who are going through a divorce. Many people feel that this is how they are able to survive a divorce emotionally. If you are not taking care of yourself throughout this process, it will make it harder to take care of other aspects of your life.
Begin to plan for your future
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the now, especially when you’re going through an emotional divorce. Keep in mind that this upheaval will end and when it does, you will have a new reality that you need to be prepared for. This is especially true in circumstances where your spouse may have handled the majority of the finances and payment of your bills. If you have never participated in this aspect of your life, you may want to look for a class or program geared towards teaching these life skills. If your divorce is going to mean that you will need to relocate or get a job to help support yourself, start looking around at housing costs in the area where you want to live and what jobs are available for which you may be qualified. Moving forward while going through the divorce process will help you feel more prepared and confident about your future which will ultimately help you cope with what’s currently happening in your life.
If you are beginning the divorce process and need assistance please call DeTorres & DeGeorge at 908-284-6005 to schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys.