Divorcing an Emotionally Abusive Husband


Divorcing an Emotionally Abusive Husband

Divorcing an emotionally abusive husband requires a lot of preparation and hard work. You need to admit that your spouse is being abusive. Abuse isn’t just limited to physical abuse. There are many types of emotional abuse that don’t leave physical scars but do leave psychological scars. You need to understand that you do have rights. There are remedies. Our skilled New Jersey family lawyers have the experience and resources you need. We’ll tell you what practical steps to take. We’ll file court petitions to protect you from harm, protect your children, and protect your financial interests.

Types of emotional abuse

Our lawyers explain that various types of abuse that justify divorcing an emotionally abusive husband. Emotional abuse includes:

  •         Isolation. Your husband is emotionally abusive if he is preventing you from having relationships with other relatives, friends, coworkers, or members of the community.
  •         Verbal abuse. Your spouse is emotionally abusing you if he insults you or says things designed to cause you to lose your confidence and self-esteem. Consult our experienced family lawyers when divorcing a verbally abusive husband seems your only option.
  •         Blaming you. A husband should understand there are two parties to a marriage. If he’s always blaming you for the bad things that happen during the day, then divorcing an emotionally abusive husband is justified.
  •         Controlling you. You have the same right to access bank accounts as your husband. You have the right to make decisions about your children. Emotional abuse in marriage includes controlling the decisions that are made in the marriage.

Some husbands make wives consider divorcing an emotionally abusive husband if the husband runs hot and cold on his feelings. Spouses who withhold affection, love, or intimacy unless you do what they want are being emotionally abusive.

You should consult with an experienced divorce lawyer about divorce after emotional abuse if your husband is trying to sexually manipulate you. Parents should never use their children to try to gain an emotional advantage over you. That’s bad for you and for the children. Some husbands even emotionally abuse their wives by making the wife think they’re going crazy.

Suggestions for divorcing an emotionally abusive husband

Divorce Magazine suggests the following strategies when divorcing an emotionally abusive husband is the most logical solution to your fears, anger, and frustration.

  •         Open up a separate financial account. Start depositing work payments and household funds into the account. Our lawyers will explain your right to alimony pendente lite (temporary spousal support) when you file for divorce. Still, the more funds in your own name, the better you can assert your rights.
  •         Decide where you can live. Our lawyers seek protection from abuse and other temporary orders so you can stay in the marital home. Until we can get a judge to hear your case, if you’re divorcing an emotionally abusive husband, you should learn where the local shelters are. You should also speak with family and friends about staying with them temporarily (though your spouse will likely look to these people first to find you). With some funds, you could even stay at a motel. Look for a place that isn’t near where your husband lives or works.
  •         Document the abuse. Write down the types of emotional and/or physical abuse and when they occurred. The more documentation you have, the stronger your request for a restraining order and temporary custody will be. Keep text messages from your husband. See a doctor if there’s any physical harm. Be sure your records can’t be accessed by your spouse.
  •         Check your computer devices for spyware. Speak with an IT professional or smartphone expert about what to look for and how to protect your computer information.
  •         Call an experienced lawyer. Skilled emotional abuse lawyers work aggressively to protect you from harm from an abusive spouse. A divorce therapist or divorce psychologist can help you with your emotional concerns.
  •         Reconnect with the world. It’s important to connect with family, friends, and workers. You should pursue your interests. The more you’re connected to a world separate from your spouse, the more secure you should feel about divorcing an emotionally abusive husband and moving forward with your life.
  •         Keep a list of emergency contacts. Keep these contacts (encrypted) on your phone or on a piece of paper “sewn into a secret pocket in your wallet or clothing.”

At DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law, our family lawyers have been helping spouses who are considering divorcing an emotionally abusive husband for 30 years. We’ll explain your rights and what initial steps you need to take. Our lawyers quickly file restraining orders, requests for alimony pendente lite, and other legal documents to protect yourself, your children, and your finances. To discuss how to respond to an emotionally abusive husband, call us at 908-691-2104 or complete our contact form to schedule an appointment. We have offices in Clinton and Morristown. We fight for abused spouses.

Rosanne S. DeTorres
Ms. DeTorres is the managing partner and co-founder of DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law. She is also only one of 150 attorneys in the State of NJ that is certified by the NJ Supreme Court as a Matrimonial Law Attorney. Ms. DeTorres graduated...
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