Are you parenting with a counter parent?


Are you parenting with a counter parent?

Child and parents sitting on floor playing a gameIf you are unsure about what counter parenting is and whether your child’s other parent is a counter parent, we can help you.

Counter parenting has been defined as parents maintaining their hate, and anger toward each other, stemming from their divorce. In these situations, counter parents are not able to forgive each other and move past what took place in their marriage and divorce, and every encounter that they have with the child’s other parent, reminds them of how much they dislike that person.  This situation creates an unhealthy relationship where people focus on revenge against each other, and are committed to working against each other, rather than with each other for the children.

What Is A Narcissistic Counter Parent?

Narcissistic counter parents prioritize themselves above their children, placing themselves as the priority. In these situations, the narcissist counter parent shifts the focus to winning. Narcissistic parents want to have sole control over how their children are raised and see being the favorite parent as winning over the other parent. Counter parenting is the opposite of co-parenting. In counter parenting situations, instead of co-parenting, these parents interact in the opposite of co-parenting, often with one parent undermining the other parent. Unfortunately, in these situations, the other parent has to spend inordinate amounts of time and energy, trying to protect their child from the damage that is being caused by the other parent. These interactions can also rise to the level of verbally abusive at times, further complicating the relationship from the child’s perspective.

Routinely, counter parents work against the parenting style and approach of the other parent, and that other person’s parenting philosophy. When other parents are taking an approach that is best for the children, this is a real concern for the best interests of the child.

If you are co-parenting with a narcissistic counter parent, you may want to consult with someone other than your legal professional. Oftentimes it takes a great deal of effort by the non-counter parent working with a therapist or counselor to reconcile having to deal with this other person until their children reach a certain age. The circumstances can be extraordinarily difficult to manage. A therapist can provide non-legal guidance to you so that you can approach the circumstances in the best way not only for yourself, but most importantly for your children.

It is essential that you keep in contact with an experienced family law attorney that can guide you in dealing with this person, but more importantly, to cope with this other person and the impact that this person will have not only on you and your children but your relationship with your children. 

What we typically see in a counter parenting situation is the counter parent trying to punish or hurt the other parent, and rather than working toward effectively setting aside differences, focusing on how to diminish that person or alienate that person in the child’s lives.

If you are managing a relationship with a counter parent and need help with parenting time or child support issues relating to this, contact DeTorres and DeGeorge today. We will help you understand how you can best manage the circumstances. If you are experiencing counter parenting, we can help you. Call us today at 908–691–2104 to schedule an appointment.


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