It’s not easy admitting that your marriage is over. It’s not easy making the decision to move forward. Many times though, staying in a loveless marriage or a marriage where you and your spouse have moved in different directions isn’t an option. So, how do you know when you are ready for a divorce? Often, there are numerous signs you are ready for a divorce.
What are the signs you are ready for divorce?
The best course of action is to speak with an experienced New Jersey family law attorney. At DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law, we represent spouses whose marriage is failing. While we are ready to help you assert your rights if divorce is necessary, we also work with marriage counselors and other professionals if you think your marriage can be saved. We’ll help you make the right choice – to divorce or stay married – depending on your marital situation. If divorce is necessary, we’ll guide you through the legal, practical, and emotional difficulties of a divorce – so you can be secure about yourself, your children, your finances, and your opportunities.
In some cases, the signs you are ready for a divorce are strong and obvious. If your spouse is abusing you or your children, then the only way to confront the abuse may be to file for a divorce. If your spouse is cheating on you, then divorce may be the only option. If your spouse is causing you to get into debt through gambling or spending through your savings on alcohol, bad investments, or excessive use of credit cards – that’s one of the signs you are ready for a divorce.
According to Divorce and Your Money, an advice publication for spouses going through a divorce, some of the many signs you need to think about a divorce include:
- You just don’t have feelings for your spouse or partner. A common sign that divorce may be the best choice is that you don’t feel close to your spouse/partner. You need to confront your feelings for your spouse. Do you still love him – or not?
- Do you think about you and your spouse as a couple? When you think about the future, your family, your hopes, and your dreams – are there two people in that picture or just yourself? Do you think about the “we” or just the “I?” Do you think of your spouse as a partner or do you think of yourself alone?
- You tried the available options. Many spouses do try talking to their spouse to address their feelings of sadness and concerns about the longevity of their relationships. Spouses often speak with family and friends. When they can’t reach an understanding, many spouses do try marriage counseling or couples therapy. Spouses may also explore a trial separation to see if time apart can help each spouse focus on what’s important. If these attempts are not resolving your anxiety about the marriage, that’s one of the signs you are ready for a divorce.
- It’s clear you and your spouse have different values or different interests. Many spouses don’t know who their spouse is when they get married. Your spouse may not have the same values about how people should treat each other, what contributes to a successful and happy life, how to raise children, religious values, and other values. You and your spouse may have been on the same page when you married – but over the years, your values and view of the world may change. As time goes by, spouses acquire different interests. Older spouses may have stayed together for the sake of the children, but now that the children are in college or out of the house, their focus on what’s important may be completely different than their spouses. If you don’t share common interests and common values with your spouse, that’s one of the signs you are ready for a divorce.
- Divorce is constantly on your mind. If you spend the better part of your day thinking about being single or about thinking you wish you weren’t living with your spouse, then speaking with a divorce lawyer is likely your best option. Many spouses, in even the best marriages, need some self-time, some time apart from their spouse. There’s a big difference between wanting to be alone or with your friends or coworkers a few week hours a week – and wanting to be on your own a few hours a day.
- You and your spouse can’t communicate. Spouses need to be able to communicate about most things. You need to speak with your spouse/partner about daily activities, work activities, your feelings and hopes, your need for intimacy, and your finances. If you have children, then communicating about your children’s needs, activities, discipline, and joys is essential. If your spouse can never find the time to talk, isn’t listening when you talk, or you’re just not connecting when you do have conversations – that’s one of the signs you are ready for a divorce.
Additional signs of an unhappy marriage
Other signs you are ready for a divorce include:
- A lack of intimacy. If you’re not able to romantically enjoy your spouse and you’ve tried to explore why the romance isn’t working – then it may be time to think about speaking with a divorce lawyer.
- You don’t respect your spouse. If you’ve lost respect for your spouse because he/she isn’t advancing in their career, isn’t kind, isn’t trying to be a better person, isn’t helping others, isn’t’ a good provider, or isn’t a good father/mother – that’s a problem that necessitates speaking about divorce with your lawyer.
- You don’t trust your spouse. If you think your spouse is cheating, is lying, or isn’t being forthright – that’s a strong sign of an unhappy marriage.
At DeTorres & DeGeorge Family Law, our divorce lawyers understand the trauma of divorce. When you first meet with us, we discuss the reasons you want a divorce so that we’re sure you’re ready to end the marriage and start the divorce process. We understand the signs you are ready for a divorce. If divorce is your next step, we’ll do everything we can to assert your rights including the equitable division of your property, child custody, child support, and alimony. To speak with an experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer, call us at 908-691-2104 or use our contact form to schedule an appointment. Our offices are located in Clinton and Morristown.